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  • Writer's pictureSusan Pattis

Why Is Self-Compassion Important to You? (Part VIII)

Updated: Jan 1, 2023

Some educated and successful people have high expectations of themselves and refuse to accept failures or excuses. They choose to treat themselves worse than they do friends, family members, and their pets. They believe they can do much more than they are currently accomplishing. They are convinced that they lack willpower and discipline. They are the victims of self-help marketing material, promises, and empty encouragement because these intelligent people blame themselves for their failed outcomes or shortcomings and wait for their greatness to be released through hard work or new habits.

What if you are NOT capable of accomplishing anything more? What if you have achieved enough to be proud of yourself? Is it so bad to be accessible to yourself? Would it be terrible to accept life the way you are currently experiencing it? Can you relax and enjoy your life with satisfaction and happiness no matter what? When is the end of constantly striving to be faster, better, wiser, more popular, and wealthier? Is it time to look inside and listen to your inner voice more than only chasing external success? Can you open your arms to yourself and accept who you are? Self-compassion is the pathway to your long-lasting happiness and satisfaction.

Please be conscious of your own thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. You can pretend to be a scientist and experiment on your experiences by observing and describing them without judging yourself. The core principle of the investigation is to let the experiences flow before judging them. Learning to let go and focusing on experiences are the main tasks of humans. It is critical to remind yourself daily that life is what it is. You need to accept events and occurrences and move on. Don’t attach yourself to those things that you have no power over or that you cannot change.

Pain and suffering are not the same. Pain is inevitable in life, no matter who you are. Suffering happens when we resist pain by fighting reality and trying to control it. It is essential to recognize that failures and mistakes are opportunities to learn from. Understand the factors that caused the challenges or issues to arise so that you can avoid the same mistakes next time. Practicing self-compassion starts with forgiving and accepting yourself. It is time to face your pain by repeating the following sentence to yourself without dismissing it, "I had a painful experience." Then, have your hands over your heart and feel your heartbeat by saying to yourself, "I need to be kind to myself" and "I will forgive myself."

A well-known entrepreneur from Asia told me about her journey from self-suffering to self-compassion. “I cried for two days after my husband left me with his young lover. He took half of our assets and savings even though he had nothing before we married. I did not tell my best friends and family members since I did not want them to worry or laugh at me because nobody in my circle approved of my marriage. I was blind to focus on his handsome face when we met at a business conference without understanding his inner desire and character. I tortured myself over his betrayal and tried to rationalize his selfish behavior. I had been depressed for eight months until I realized I should be more compassionate towards myself and to not sit suffering in the dark. I finally accepted that I had a broken marriage and had failed to build a long-lasting relationship. Today, I am myself again. I am grateful.”

To Be Continued.


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