• Susan Pattis

13 Tips For A Better Father-Son Relationship As An Adult

Updated: May 22

Humans easily get stuck in a lousy relationship with loved ones, especially with their parents, particularly with their fathers. Most people I know struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with their fathers throughout their lives. Do you have a good relationship with your father? How often do you see your father if you are living in the same city, in the same region, or in the same country? When was the last time you chatted with your father wholeheartedly? Have you ever told your father how much you love him? Do you care about his health? Do you know if he’s happy or not? If your answers are not promising, it is time to consider the opportunity of rebuilding your relationship with your father now, before it is too late?


Yes, there is no perfect father-son relationship in this world, and most fathers are extremely strict or bossy with their children. Building a better relationship with your father is an incredibly challenging task. Still, it is essential to have a normal relationship with your father since it influences how you see the world and how you see yourself. It’s not a laughing matter, the father-son relationship is the foundation for a man's lifetime of happiness, self-fulfillment, confidence, connection with others, and success. Those young men running away from home to seek total freedom end up regretting the decision because they never feel genuine happiness no matter how successful they are in life. I know many famous elites from different countries are living under the shadow of missing their fathers. For most people, it is too late to build a father-son relationship. The chance to say "love you, dad" is forever gone.

There are some excellent ways to maintain a good relationship with your father, if you are lucky enough that he is still alive. Just remember, he is your father, even if you don't get along. Never forget, he gave life to you even if you do not appreciate his parenting style. A strong father-son relationship ensures you see the world with open arms, take chances without worrying too much, and never give up during hard times. Any resentment with your father can block your way to trust others and to be happy with yourself. It is so hard to repair a bad father-son relationship than to build one from the beginning. If you are planning to reconstruct the father-son relationship, please try these thirteen tips.


1. Accept that your father is not a perfect man.

Your father is just an ordinary man, and he will have made mistakes in his life. Childhood memories often linger for a long time, but it is vital to release and forgive any sad moments with your father. Making peace with your father is the first step towards a successful and joyful life for yourself.


2. Remember that your father loves you no matter what.

Don't doubt that your father loves you with his heart and soul; even he might not know how to be a good father. No father would give up loving their children in this world no matter what happens.


3. Understand your father’s way of thinking and behaving.

You will understand why your father behaves in specific ways after you become a father yourself. Being a father can make a man lose his temper or control due to care, love, responsibility, and expectation.


4. Chat with your father, do not argue with him.

How many text messages do you send to your friends every day? How often did you text your father? Once a week? Twice a month? How many times do you call him? Do you like to argue with your father trying to prove that you are right and that he is wrong? Text or a short call is the best way to let your father know that you are thinking about him. Please don't argue with your father because you could never win an argument with him without hurting his feelings.


5. Avoid serious topics with your father on which you disagree.

You need to stay away from any political topics or spiritual practices with your father if you are not aligned with his choices. Many damaged father-son relationships are due to differences in political views. Please don't expect your father to share the same ideologies politically or spiritually. It is alright for you and your father to have different opinions or thoughts towards political issues.


6. Support him in any way possible as your father gets older.

As your father gets older, he will need help sometimes, especially if you do not live with him. You must check on him regularly to see what he needs in his retirement. He will be delighted to know you care about him even if he doesn’t need any help. If you are living nearby, please do something for him regularly to make him feel good. It is time to show him you are a mature son and no longer a naughty boy.


7. Try to do something he likes occasionally.

Sharing at least one hobby with your father can give you both the opportunity to connect and to build a strong bond. You can watch a movie with him sometimes, go to a ball game together, train your father in the gym, for example.


8. Remind your father of some good times you had with him when you were young.

Sharing special father-son moments will bring smiles to his face. It is the best testimonial to the eternal love between a father and his son.


9. Say “I love you, dad” at least once a month.

I know many men never told their fathers that "I love you, dad" when they are still alive. They had to say it aloud at their fathers' funeral, but with regret and sad memories. Say it to your father whenever you have the chance, don't wait until it is too late.


10. Unfollow your father if you disagree with his political views.

You can follow your father if you both enjoy each other's events, activities, or political views. If you both have different opinions on specific political issues, you should unfollow him to leave some space for himself. Never try to change him; you should honor his choices.


11. Focus on the present time, not the past.

Many fathers were not around during their children's childhood or when they were growing up. It is hard to build a relationship as an adult. There is no need to do anything until you are ready. After all, he is your father, and he is here now. You can tell him how you feel about the past but also move on to the present.


12. Ask for his advice sometimes, even if you might not need it.

As an adult, you might be knowledgeable already, but asking your father's advice would make him very happy. Giving your father a chance to guide you would provide him with comfort and bring you and your father closer together.


13. Forgive his mistakes and forget sad memories.

Please forgive your father completely to light up your inner heart and soul because any sad feelings about your father would affect your life as a man. Moving forward with forgiveness and letting go is the wisest way to live a happy life.