• Susan Pattis

Why Do Men Struggle Between Mothers & Wives?

After my recent posts about human relationships, many readers and friends ask me to write about other complicated relationships. I will address them in the next few weeks. Today I want to discuss the topic of why men struggle between their mothers and wives. I might not be the perfect one to even talk about this question, but I find it very interesting and unique to share my views.


Some men say that no one can replace their mothers, but men can easily find a wife. Other men argue that mothers have fulfilled their roles, and wives are the ones they will be with for a long time. Most men insist that both mothers and wives are equally important, and neither is replaceable.


The fact is that most mothers and wives do not get along well, either pretending to be friendly or to be a hostile enemy. In most cases, men are trying their best to take a neutral position for family peace and harmony. Why would mothers accept their sons' wives wholeheartedly? Why do most wives never truly love their mother-in-law? Is there a solution to bring true peace between the mother and wife of a married man?


Mothers do not treat their daughter-in-law as their daughter and love them in the same way for several reasons:

a) mothers think that wives take their sons' love, time, closeness, and dependence away;

b) mothers will always believe few women could be an excellent match for their sons;

c) mothers usually feel a mental separation from their son after he gets married;

d) a mother never understands her daughter-in-law and the wife tries hard to please them;

e) a mother might feel a loss after the wife takes away the caring role of their son. Most mothers would hold their praises or refuse to recognize their daughters-in-law’ gracious characters or traits.


Wives find it almost impossible to love their mothers-in-law with their heart and soul for the following reasons:

a) wives feel the mothers hold their husband's hostage without totally letting them free;

b) wives believe the mothers are jealous of them for being with their sons;

c) wives feel pressure from the mothers-in-law to do more and to work harder;

d) most wives do not resonate with their mothers-in-law due to generational differences;

e) wives want the mothers-in-law to stay away from their lives without interfering in their space;

f) many wives do not tolerate their husbands being close to their mothers. Most wives present as being humble and friendly, but they would rather never see their mothers-in-law again.

All women will become mothers and mothers-in-law someday if they want to have kids. Wives do not like their husbands' mothers, and they will be disliked by their sons' wives someday. Mothers do not like their daughters-in-law; their daughters will be opposed by their mothers-in-law sooner or later. The old love and hate cycle has continued for hundreds of years, but humans have not won the battles in their hearts and souls about what is right and wrong, good and evil, or love and hate.


There are no comparisons between mothers and wives. Men can love them fully in different ways. It is time to break the dark dilemmas about mothers and wives. Men will never need to be draped in the black holes of choosing between mothers and wives. There are a million reasons for a man to love his mother eternally because mothers give them the chance to be born into this life. Mothers nurture them to grow up until the wives come along. Men have several million reasons to love their wives because they are the ones who continue encouraging them after their mothers. Wives give men romantic love, build a family together, have kids, grow old with them. There are no reasons to separate mothers and wives.


Mothers need to be grateful for the daughters-in-law because they make their sons the happiest men in the world with love, romance, care, and shared interests—the closer the mothers and the wives, the more comfortable the men. Open your arms and hearts, mothers, please join your sons to love their wives. It is time for mothers to shift their focus to their own lives, such as traveling the world, learning new skills, meeting new friends, starting new hobbies, and even going back to school. Life is so precious to explore than diverting all attention to their sons. Let their wives take over the role of making the men happy and content. Let them live their lives without interfering too much. A happy mother is the most significant gift to her son. Please say "thank you" once in a while to his wife. The wives are the center of the men's lives now.


Wives must show appreciation to their husbands' mother because they are the reason why they have a lovely husband. Please say "thank you, mom" as often as possible. Please allow husbands to spend time with their mothers if you all live in the same city. Wives can encourage the husbands to call the mothers often if they do not live in the same town. The more love the wives give to the mothers-in-law, the more love and appreciation the wives will receive from their husbands. A loving wife with a big heart to love, tolerate, and accept mother-in-law’s deserves honor and respect from her husband and the whole family. Gracious words and hugs will make the husbands and their mothers very happy.


After all, only selfish and cowardly men battle with the relationship between wives and mothers. A woman who cannot accept and love her mother-in-law is the wrong candidate to be his wife. A man worrying about his mother's dislike for his wife is an insecure and immature man. A grown man has the right and power to set rules to bring harmony between wife and mother. Most problems between mother and wife result in the men's weakness and lack of compassion. Say it loud to your wife and mother, "please love and accept each other if you love me." Make the complicated myth simple by setting the rules. Men deserve to have loving mothers and appreciative wives.