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  • Writer's pictureSusan Pattis

Why Are Men Unfaithful?

Updated: Apr 25, 2021

In this post, I will focus on unfaithful men and their excuses. Next week, I will write about why some women also cheat. Over the years, the most complaints I hear from women about their men is that they cheat. Due to my business consulting background, I had the opportunity to chat with many rich, famous, and powerful men who cheated on their beloved wives or girlfriends. These men were not shy or embarrassed about their unfaithful behavior at all. The most famous sentence is "that’s just a sexual affair, there was no love involved, it’s not counted as cheating." Men often defend themselves by blaming their women for not loving them anymore, the pressures at work, mental stresses due to money problems, and other rational excuses.

I am always fascinated by the excuses that cheating men use to justify their unfaithful behavior. I cannot help myself but laugh when men tell me their various reasons for cheating. Most men explain their infidelity as a convincing story resulting from their troublesome relationships. A very successful Chinese CEO lost everything due to his sexual affair with a 20-year-old college student. He managed to deal with the complicated relationship with the two women simultaneously for over ten years until the young lover intentionally tried to kill his wife and his daughters in a car accident. Eventually, his wife left him; the two daughters hate him; the lover is still in prison; the man is living under guilt and regret.

Here are the standard ways for men to rationalize and justify their unfaithful behavior after being caught by their women:

1. I drank too much; I didn’t realize what I was doing at that time.

2. The lady seduced me; I didn’t know how to push her away.

3. I have no feelings for that woman at all; I only go to her for sex.

4. You have no interest in making love to me; I am lonely.

5. You put me down all the time; I need to find my confidence from other women.

6. Online chat is for fun only; it’s not cheating.

7. My buddies cheat on their wives all the time; I only did it once.

8. It is phone sex only; it’s not in person.

In today's society, there is a phenomenon in which most people are satisfied with the above statements. Some women even accept these excuses to keep the relationships, but they do not trust their men anymore. The unfaithful men typically do not reflect on their questionable behavior but rather complain that their ladies do not forgive them nor give them another chance. Many businesswomen suffer from these infidelity issues with their men but pretend nothing happened to save face and sacrifice their own well-being for their children. I receive phone calls from women all the time about their internal wounds, resentments, hates, and confusions. They ask themselves thousands of times, why? Why does my man cheat? As an observer, I summarize ten reasons behind men's cheating.

1. Family influences.

Most cheating men have unfaithful family members during their formative years because young men learn fast by watching and imitating others. For example, a man with a cheating father has a high likelihood of becoming a cheater himself.

2. Mental issues.

Depressed or anxious men are more likely to cheat because they do not dare to face their internal problems or emotional issues. Going out with other women helps them feel relief or that they leave behind their deeper struggles for a short time. The temporary sexual pleasure numbs their nerves and prevents their consciousness from thinking about the implications of their actions.

3. Sexual addiction.

Some unfaithful men are physically addicted to sexual activities with different women. They can’t help themselves but look for more sex partners. They have highly active sexual imaginations and become addicted to compulsive sexual experiences. They want to carry out their sexual fantasies with as many women as possible. Cheating has become part of their lives.

4. Afraid of commitment.

Cheating men do not have long-lasting relationships because they are afraid of the commitment. They get confused between a romance and a long-term relationship. The constant search for sexual excitement and fresh experiences makes them feel more fulfilled and satisfied. They consider a fixed relationship with only one woman to be a sign of failure. Some men even believe that a monogamous relationship is a sacrifice.

5. Fear or insecurity.

Some men are not satisfied with the way they look, their height, career, their family background, education, or personality. They feel they are not strong enough, not rich enough, or not famous enough and these feelings become triggers for them to look for random sexual partners to hide their issues of low self-esteem. Seeking approval or being wanted by other women makes them feel alive and valued, especially if their women at home have not shown them what they think is enough respect, passion, love, or honor.

6. Irresponsibility.

Unfaithful men are usually irresponsible with their families. They do not have the intense drive needed to successfully take care for their family members and to give them a good life. They take everything for granted, including their wives or girlfriends. Going out with other lovers gives them the time and space to feel free without burden or responsibility.

7. Selfishness and egotism.

Cheating men prefer to think about their own interests, hobbies, pleasures, desires, and passions without setting boundaries. They get used to lying and cheating for sexual gratification. They never think about the consequences of their cheating because they care only about their own needs. This kind of cheating man never says sorry or apologizes for his behavior.

8. Strong narcissism.

Some men fall in love with themselves. They do not believe women deserve their commitment or love. They constantly date new women to prove that they are still attractive. They never really understand what love means or what happiness stands for. They look in the mirror and enjoy their physical look but have minimal wisdom or conscious character. They genuinely believe that they are different from other men. These kinds of men do not change their behavior until the end of their lives.

9. Anger and revenge.

Unfaithful men are likely to have been abused in childhood by someone in the family or a person in the community. They might not recover from those deep wounds after growing up due to the lack of family and social support. They might feel undervalued by their wives or girlfriends, which enhances the anger and makes them seek out revenge. Any unhealed childhood trauma or unresolved issue such as sexual abuse, mental torture, emotional pressure, physical abuse, or social disorder can create the burning desire for intimacy, physical touch, and sexual addiction. They need extreme excitement or more sexual pleasure to heal the hidden pain or wound received in childhood.

10. Unrealistic fantasy about life.

Cheating men do not let any opportunity for sexual excitement go by, even with strangers. The perfect relationship for these men is as follows: women understand them completely, know their needs all the time, are there for them sexually, accept them as who they are which is lazy and rude, and they tolerate and forgive them even when they occasionally sleep with other women. They do not hesitate to cheat if they feel disappointed at home.

A man who cheats once will probably cheat again when the time is right unless he is physically unable to do it anymore. Men should not cheat at the beginning regardless of the reason. Cheating is unethical and a criminal act by moral standards. A good man who cares about his consciousness and virtues never cheats. A man who cannot control his sexual fantasies or sexual affairs should not get married or have a stable dating relationship. Everyone has the choice to be faithful or unfaithful. Men need to evaluate the potential damage to their reputation, integrity, and credibility before making the move towards destroying their current relationship.


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