Imagine that you ask a blind person to talk about colors. It would be excruciating because they cannot do it. They may worry about disappointing you while secretly or unconsciously feeling hurt for not having their blindness addressed, recognized, or acknowledged. Self-compassion is not easy for someone suffering from issues whether they be emotional, developmental, or simple or complex trauma. Compassion is about understanding another’s pain and the desire to mitigate that pain. It depends on how active your prefrontal cortex is, how much you can experience positive effects, and how much that positive effect transmits through your body and mind.
Some people might choose therapy to fight pain and to find ways to mitigate it. How could you ask others to understand your pain before they develop an understanding of what you suffer from or why? It’s almost irrational to expect someone to know how to mitigate your pain without first opening your heart to share your experience and thoughts with them. Self-compassion is a long-term goal that needs patience and tolerance from yourself and from your therapist.
Self-compassion is different from narcissism. Narcissists often reject themselves because they begin with low self-esteem and self-worth before turning that into deep shame and self-hatred. Their guilt over their feelings of worthlessness is so intense that it drives them to split from their true selves. You cannot reject yourself and have self-compassion for yourself simultaneously. Self-compassion requires a high level of self-acceptance. Accepting oneself requires whole objective self-connections. It requires you to maintain a positive self-image and self-appreciation despite being flawed and vulnerable. Narcissists think in black-and-white terms, all good and all wrong due to being split from their authentic selves. Unfortunately, they unconsciously treat others the same way they treat themselves without compassion. Instead of accepting who they are, flaws and all, narcissists reject their vulnerable parts viewing imperfection as shameful. Once split off, their ability to connect and nurture themselves and others through compassion and love is gravely impaired and often wholly lost. As a result, narcissists are not capable of feeling compassion for themselves. Narcissists can only survive on external validation that they acquire through deceit, control, manipulation, and sometimes aggression.
Please try the following affirmations to transform narcissism into self-compassion:
· I accept that I am not perfect.
· I acknowledge that nobody is perfect.
· I allow myself to be tired, sad, hurt, and upset.
· I give myself the power of doubt and question.
· I am worthy of honor and respect.
· I have more good days ahead of me.
· I do not force myself to do anything beyond my ability.
· I hug myself for even a minor achievement.
· I take time to breathe for relaxation.
· I do not judge myself anymore.
· I am compassionate and grateful.
· I forgive myself and others.
· I pray for myself and others.
· I care for myself and others.
· I love myself and others.
To Be Continued.